


I haven’t slept in ages.

by amartiniplease



Category: Band of Brothers
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-14
Updated: 2019-01-14
Packaged: 2019-10-10 07:41:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,052
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17421740
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amartiniplease/pseuds/amartiniplease
Summary: Searching for context in a war that she is tired of fighting, Eugene appears to Jean like a mirage to a thirsty man in the desert. How can such a beautiful thing be allowed to exist in such horrible circumstances?





	I haven’t slept in ages.

**Author's Note:**

> I rewatched Bastogne today during a particularly slow class and felt like crying the whole time. Eugene Roe is just such a lost little bean throughout the entire episode. Since I can’t give him the hug he deserves I wrote this instead. 
> 
> Disclaimer: This work is based on the characters as they are portrayed in the HBO series Band of Brothers and is by no means meant as an offense to any of the real men that it was based on.

Eugene was sitting a little bit away from the others, a cigarette resting between his lips, laughing at what was being said. Jean had just arrived and had stopped to admire the way his jaw clenched when he dragged in another breath of smoke. She was shivering from the cold, not used to how different the chill felt in the woods compared to inside the church in Bastogne, but something warmed in her chest when she saw him.

Adjusting her grip around the crate she was holding she approached him. His eyes shifted to her when he noticed her presence and she saw the recognition that sparked in them.

Eugene moved his cigarette from between his lips to make it easier to talk. “Jean?” He sounded hesitant as if he wasn’t sure he could trust his own recollection.

Jean nodded, feeling silly when disappointment stung at his uncertainty. “Last time you came by you said you were still short on supplies. We managed to scramble some things together for you.”

He blinked, obviously at loss before recovering with an “Ah, thank you.“. He caught himself having waited a second too long before hurrying to stand and get the crate from her.

Eugene had smudges of blue under his eyes, and his gaze was a little droopy. Jean looked at him in concern. “When was the last time you slept?” She scanned his figure for more proof of sleep deprivation.

He let out a soft laugh. “That obvious, huh?” One of his hands came up to rub at his eyes. “I haven’t slept in ages.”

Of course he hadn’t, he was stupidly loyal to his fellow soldiers and him offering up his own wellbeing to accommodate them didn’t exactly come as a surprise. Jean sighed, she couldn’t imagine how difficult it must be to catch up on sleep in the midst of everything here.

“You are not much use to the men if your brain is barely functioning from the lack of sleep.” She knew this was the only way to go about it, twisting it to be for someone else’s sake rather than because he was important too.

“I just haven’t had a chance to take a break.” Eugene was quick to give an excuse, though it sounded rehearsed and Jean got the feeling that he had repeated it a few too many times. “How’ve you been?” Eugene offered her a cigarette which she took with a nod of her head as thank you.

“I’ve been.” In this town there really was just existing or dying and they were so closely intertwined that she sometimes didn’t know which one applied to her. She smiled apologetically at him, breathing out a cloud of smoke. “You know how it is, I don’t have time to do much other than treat the wounded.”

He nodded in agreement, “But you, Renée and Anna are managing alright?”

Jean smiled. “Yeah, yeah we’re managing.” She took a seat on a crate-turned-stool on the ground. “What about you? You don’t have a lot of help around here, do you?”

“Don’t worry about me, I’m making it work.” Eugene took another drag from his cigarette.

She sighed, trying to sense how much truth there was in that statement. Deciding to drop it she took a deep breath, she was dreading the moment when she’d have to head back to town.

“I hate this.” She whispered. It felt shameful to admit it. “I hate treating all the men that come into that church.” She swallowed the lump in her throat. “They really believe that we are going to save them but then they die just like all the rest. And there is not a damn thing I can do about it.”

Eugene was silent for a moment. “It’s okay.” He spoke carefully, leaning forward to make it easier to hear before he continued. “You try. And you give them hope. Which is more than most have to offer. I know I’d be grateful to die hoping rather than miserably.”

They fell silent again. Jean glanced at the man beside her. His lips were blue from the cold and his nose a little red. She could even make out some snowflakes that had gotten caught in his eyelashes. His face seemed to set in scepticism whenever he was focusing really hard on something, the way he was right now.

“What are you thinking of?” She noticed the way he blinked before looking up.

Shaking his head thoughtfully he offered her a small smile. “My grandmother.” Eugene met her eyes. “You remind me of her a little.”

Jean looked at him in surprise. “Yeah?” She wanted him to keep talking. His voice seemed to soothe the restlessness in her soul.

“Yeah. Just the way you feel things.” He looked a little embarrassed when he admitted that, it made Jean smile though.

“The way I feel things.” She murmured to herself. How did she feel things? Too personally and deep like one of the wounds on the men she treated.

Most things around here were ugly. The rows of stacked bodies along the path to the church, the screams from dying soldiers and the blocks of stone from destroyed buildings. Everyday was like trying to sunbathe in the middle of a storm. She had tried forcing herself to anticipate each day as if it would be the end of the war. Soon enough the false hope just made her bitter and instead Jean just accepted that this was it. The end of everything, her life as she knew it had seized to exist. It was the only way to stay sane in a place like this.

The only thing she had encountered in this place that wasn’t ugly was the man before her. Eugene was like no one she’d ever met before. Not one of the soldiers, nurses or civilians deserved to be here, but him more than most belonged in a different world. This wonder of a man.

“Gene,” Faltering she looked up to meet his eyes. “I’m glad you’re here.”

This was met by a sad smile. And of course. It was an incredibly selfish thing to say but to her, this moment made all of the horrible things she’d seen worth it.

He took her hand, giving it a soft squeeze.


End file.
